BIG FOOT MYSTERY

I am a 53-year-old woman whose shoe size has increased in the past year from a 7 to an embarrassing 8. But, curiously, my existing size 7s still fit. I wondered if you had any theories on this perplexing situation.

CM, by e-mail

Either there’s a global conspiracy by shoemakers to reduce shoe sizes, or your old shoes have simply stretched over the years as your feet have slowly swelled. I expect you’ll plump for the global conspiracy.

WHAT GOES AROUND

What is the correct procedure when two people, of opposite sexes, enter a revolving door from both entrances at the same time? Should I, as the lady, defer to the male to set the pace, or should he, as the gentleman, follow my lead as to the speed of the rotation?

RR, by e-mail

Revolving doors have a momentum of their own that we all adapt our steps to, so there is no problem here really. However, that’s not to say that you can’t have lots of fun with a casually dropped door wedge as you make your own exit.

LIFE IN RUINS

This evening I ate oven chips and a ready-prepared Indian snack selection (with pea and mint dip) with my son, who is six. I would usually slave over Nigel’s recipe for the day, or Jamie’s “lots of chopping” malarkey. We both enjoyed ourselves, but will he be okay and get into a good school?

EM, by e-mail

Well, that’s it. Game over. Your son can look forward to a short life as an obese drug addict with educational difficulties, “emotional issues” and “mental-health trauma episodes”. And all because you couldn’t be bothered to descale a few fresh sardines, then drop them into a deep pan with a dash of white wine and a layer of thickly sliced citrus fruit. A handful of pine nuts and some clams chucked in at the last minute would have completed this simple repast. But no, you couldn’t be bothered. You have only yourself to blame, but it’s society that will pay the price.

A PROBLEM SHARED

I am writing on a matter of growing concern. My dad, an intelligent man in his fifties, appears to have lost the ability to deal with any sort of problem without your advice. Indeed, I now know what is going on back in my parental home through reading your column. There I’ll discover, for example, that my sister has moved out or my mother has bought some hideous flying ducks. When I speak to my father, the conversation comprises a list of instances of how you have solved life’s little difficulties. How can I support him in becoming autonomous in decision-making again?

SM, Coventry

I wondered who it was that kept on pestering me to tell him what colour to paint the kitchen, what is a reasonable bedtime for the over- fifties and whether he should have tomatoes or beans on toast for tea on Thursdays. I don’t mind, but he must be leading a very slow life. The only solution is for him to cease making any decisions, just accept whatever is put in front of him and otherwise do as he is told. (This is also known as a successful marriage.)

Send problems to:

Mrs Mills, The Sunday Times, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1ST, or mrs.mills@sundaytimes.co.uk.

No correspondence can be entered into

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